Infinite's blog/poetry

[Infinite]

UPDATE PAGE 5.. again 1/13/09
ok so call me emo but i do write poetry. mostly when i have had some rough days or hard times.
most of the following stem from the ending of a 3 year relationship with a girl i truly loved with all of my heart

also i just write about whatever is on my mind so some of this may seem depressing or rambling but its just me bein me

feel free to comment call me a freak, whatever. im always open to advice

[Infinite]

PAIN

Pain.

Not simply the sharp pain of an estranging glare, nor the dull, throbbing pain of observing a life unlived, though these both are mine.

The pain of being invisible, the feral, desperate pain that goes wailing into the night to be snatched up by a cold wind and thrown back, unanswered. The hopeless, sobbing pain of standing alone under a damp indifferent sky throbbing with lifeless stars.

No matter if I were to live; it would be but a mockery of life, for always in the back of my mind is the knowledge that even should I live a century, I will still die alone.

The world is but a churning machine, cycling through souls like so many abstract numbers. I do well to leave it.

[Infinite]

I LIED
If I said I tried,
You could say I lied.
Now I've sat and I've cried,
There's no place to hide,
Fess up to the truth, it's high time I died.

It was your fault.
It really, really was.
Long live the revolution.
Hail those who cared.
I don't love you all.
I'm not going to miss you.

[Infinite]

FOREVER
now i sit here.
the gun pointed at my heart.
to kill my sorrows.
to pass into a different place.
i wanted to be a doctor.
i wanted to be smart.
i wanted you to love me.
but you never saw me.
i was glass to you.
it has always been that way
why should i keep walking along this road of monotony and disappointment?
i will leave this road now.
walk into the waiting trees.
forever lost.

[Infinite]

NOTHING
feeling nothing..
laying alone in bed not moving...
the only movement is the silent deep breaths of death...
i lay and try to think of a color inside .. nothing comes up
i try to think of a time where i smiled.. nothing came up..
i tried to think of you.. and something came up..
tears from my eyes.. to see your smile..
i dont want to think anymore..
i have nothing inside me to think about..
all i have is the never ending rain from my eyes...
the red blood of love on my wrist...
and your name their too...
i hope you realize what you have done..
you have made me live again.
gave me life and took it away....
now as my eyes start to shut ..
i have no thoughts..
i have no fear..
and nothing left to feel...

[Infinite]

NO SOUL
The parasites in my eyes make it impossible to see
Through the grey choking fog of complete failure
That smothers the soul every waking moment
In undeniable inevitability

Even the limbs attempt to twist themselves off
They wither and tremble, decaying away
From the pathetic lifeless shell of a man
Who no longer moves by his own will
Hooks and strings control his movements accordingly
Retracing steps in grooves that wear themselves alive
In the fishbowl-stage in which we all exist
Locked eternally in the waltz of defeat

Every single moment thusfar has retraced itself
Over and over again in a cyclic pattern
And where endless possibilities exist
A single inexorable path comes to life
Squirming from the chaos void
Slithing like a serpent to his feet
Cloaked by false hopes and ignorance
Death beckons him forward

And I screamed into the darkness
I screamed and I screamed and I screamed
Until my throat was raw and numb
And the taste of blood made me sick
I cried out desperately in anger
In hatred, in disgust, in malign revulsion
I screamed until I could scream no more
I screamed until I was answered...


-----------------


The embers of a blaze that once burned bright
Now silently smoulder in eternal silence
Far away from the light of the sun
Fallen below the kingdom of Earth
Within the slimy chambers of Chaos
I grind against colorless walls
In a slow rhythmic rape of the soul

Severing The Mortal Coil

[Infinite]

AT LAST

So, it seems I'm giving up.
And I want you all to know, that I never meant to be this way.
Never meant to stand on this bridge.
But I am, and once you read this you will know.
The horror will end for me.
The pain will end
The endless nights of crying myself to sleep will end.
Did any of you notice my cry for help..? No.
I love you and I'm afraid I must do this.
Dont' forget me and I won't forget you
All my love.

[Infinite]

HAVE YOU EVER?
Have you ever tried to pretend you're someone else?
I've been being another person for twenty years.

Have you ever been forced to hide your pain?
Imagine chronic pain for years, and you can't tell ANYBODY.

Have you ever been beaten down?
I have. Continously.

Have you ever felt you have NO ONE?

Have you ever worked, and lived, for someone else?

I forgot my name during months, and suddenly started living again. Now, my dream is gone and I just want to sleep again.

I can't stand myself anymore. I've lived through hopes and material temporary desires for years. Now I feel I can't find any reason to continue deceiving myself, and I can't stand this pain no more.

You'll find me hanged at the courts. Thanks for everything and good night.

[Infinite]

PRISON
Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.

[Infinite]

I WONDER
No matter how hard you try to get over someone, you will still have some sort of feeling for them, remembering the ways things used to be, and how they are now. And you sometimes hope that the new person in their life was still you, and everything was how it used be, erasing all the bad things that happened. Time is supposed to make things better, but in love it doesn't. Although we have been apart for a while, and now have diferent loves in our life, I stil can't help wondering how your life is, and when I catch you glancing at me, I can't help but wonder if your heart beats a little faster, as mine does when I see you.

[Infinite]

[b]ANOTHER CHANCE[b]
I once saw a girl, so pretty and fair
I took her as mine and treated her with care
The days passed and soon turned to months
Months turned to years and soon came the tears
I made a mistake i can never take back
I searched and searched but it was just a lack
A lack of effort on my part, not another soul
I ignored her and she left, i can never be whole
I made my mistakes and worked to make them right
But it isnt enough, which is why i sit here and indite
Emma, i made my mistakes, i know this
Being with you was nothing but sheer bliss
So i sit here and reminisce
The events past were so gloom
But not everything was sheer doom
We had our good times and our bad
Seeing you with Rob makes me nothing but sad
It breaks my heart to not have you
I'll do anything you want me too
Just give me another chance and you'll see
This is the new me

I want you back, more than anything
I love you

[Infinite]

FADE
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things arent what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye.

[Infinite]

THANKS
All those days we spent together,
what happened to that.
You told me you loved me,
and I said it right back.
You turned around,
and now I don't have anything,
except the sound
of my blood and tears
hitting tbe ground.
Slowly I'm dying,
fading away.
You were never trying
to keep me for another day.
I'm glad you didn't try,
cus now you won't cry,
not like you planned to anyway.
I'm gone now,
forever.
Not coming back,
never.
You tore me apart,
inside and out.
You broke my heart,
filled me with doubt.
Thanks for making
life so much worthwhile.
not.

[Infinite]

FOR ALL I'VE DONE
Sorry!
For all Ive done
i wont get in your way
and by the time you read this
on my death bed i will lay

I'm worthless and lonely
so i think this is for the best
i needed to kill myself
and put myself at rest

its not like anyone will care
or anyone will bother
i was just a silly kid
that was hated by another

i do not want a funeral
don't go to the expense
just chuck me away in the rubbish
you know that it makes sense

give all my stuff to the poor
and burn the pictures of me
i don't want anyone to know
what i was like, i don't want them to see....

[Infinite]

IN VAIN
I tried to do the best I could.
To live this life the way I should.
Alas, mistakes is all I made.
And now the time comes when I must get paid.
Not in dollars or cents
But to finally repent
I have no income, no friends, no love
I have nothing worth even the lowest dove
The time has come for me to say good-bye
Of course there will be no one to even ask why
I have been told to do it before
Now comes the time where I say no more
I tried to succeed in this world of yours
But, alas, my body is covered with graffiti and sores
This is it, there is no more
Time for the blood and the gore
All I can say is in this world I tried
Now it is time for the great goodbye

[Infinite]

THE TRUTH
Why oh why does it always lead back to this?
yet again i'm full of absolutely nothing.
without any rhyme or reason.
i wish there were more to this.
but still it comes down to my lack of emotion and lack of control.

my love,
i love you and always will.
this was not caused by you.
but rather much delayed.
i must confess that you were always the reason for my happiness.
but it's not fair for you to love someone such as myself who isn't truly here.
you will find another.
i promise you.

i think my problem is that i can't find any sort of comfort or reason in life.
perhaps the future is unknown.
but the ending is always the same.
so why bother.

my darling, i love you so.

[Infinite]

THIS IS
This is the never ending
This is the dread
This is your touch
This is complete emptyness
This is supression
This is sadness
This is utter lonelyness
This is a waste of time
This is life
This is the end

[Infinite]

IN THE NAME OF...
away from home where its hell
i met a girl i loved so well
she came and took my love from me
and now she wants to set me free
she sat a strange boy on her knee
and told him stuff she didnt tell me
i ran home and cried in bed
not a word to my mother i said
my father came home late that night
he looked for me left and right
he came upstairs and my door he broke
to find me hanging from a rope
he got a knife and cut me down
and on the floor a note he found
"dig a grave dig it deep place a statue at my feet
on the statue place a dove
to show the world "I DIED FOR LOVE"

[Infinite]

HEARTBROKEN
I fell in love with someone who chose another, that wouldn't have hurt so bad if she hadn't become my best friend. Every day I get to see her kissing somone else, cuddling him close. I can't stop my emotions, and I don't want to be jelous, but it hurts. Every time I see them together I feel my heart get stepped on. I can't avoid her, since she knows me too well... I just wish I could have another chance... but then again, with so many wishes in a small world... theres really no hope.

[Infinite]

i need to write more

[Tracey]

I don't have time to read them right now but I will when I get back. I like poetry.

[Wedge]

wow

I only got to read a few of them.

[Infinite]

The Art of Death

I have everything, I've wanted.
I have everything, I need.
Yet, I'm done with this so called thing called life.
The world is cruel, so I've found.
The world is hell.
I don't give a flying fuck if you hate me,
All I ask is for forgiveness.
For I love you, with every ounce I have left.
But, I'm sorry, that I don't have enough to go on.
I'm sorry I resort to the one thing everyone frowns on.
The Art of Death is that, once you're gone, you don't have to explain anything to anyone.
My dying wish, is to never be forgotten.

[Infinite]

What If

If I was tired, would you let me sleep?
I am tired, and I***8217;m sleeping
But I won***8217;t wake up.

When people die of old age
They die because something in them gives up
Something can***8217;t live any longer
My body can, I can***8217;t.

Life hasn***8217;t given up on me
But I have given up on it
It***8217;s not fair to keep stringing it along
Like I want it
I keep hurting people
It***8217;s not right

People say
to think about all the people
who want to live,
and end up dying.
But what about the people
who want to die
and have to keep on living?

I might have had love
But im not sure I ever felt it
Im with my friends and family
And everyone thinks im happy
And goofy.
Im not.

Im already dead.
I love people
Im not a hater
Maybe too just myself

It is better to die, and sleep
the never-waking sleep, than linger on
and dare to live when the soul's life is gone.

I have a choice. Live or die.
Every breath is a choice.
Every minute is a choice.
To be or not to be

It***8217;s over. It***8217;s finally over.

[Infinite]

To All

To all,

My life was worthless, i was nothing but another mental ghost taking room on this planet.
What have I become?
Nothing!
For several years, i spoke to people, talk about problems, 'made the problems 'dissapear'.
But this life isnt worth living.
I dont blame anyone for what im going to do.
It was all my mistake, I chose for the wrong things, and I caused pain to everyone near me.
For several years, my beloved ones watched me fade away, lost in my own world.
Lost in my problem
Lost in myself.
It has to stop. I cant watch people fall apart because of me any longer.
Things are better, if I fade for real this time.
Im a mental ghost, its time to be a physical one as well.
Im done.
I will give place to a new born.
I will not longer take any room on this earth.

This time.
Its not just a fake suicide note, to release my thoughts. This time is for real.

To all my family and beloved ones, it is not your fault. All these things I could never say, all these words i choke on. It destroyed you.
I have always loved you, I will always love you.
Try to forget me.
Please.

Im done.
Goodbye.

I'm sorry.

[Infinite]

Going

there is no easy way to say this.i am going now...
please remember the power of your actions,and that they can either better someone else`s life or ruin it.let them better the lives of others.dont ask where i went, no one knows.and i wont be able to come back.sorry.
theres no time to cry
no time to wonder why
just saying goodbye
i sigh a last sigh
never wonder why
i said goodbye
and dont cry
dont miss me when i`ve gone,dont mourn
for in the mean time i am free
free to be myself,free to be me.
thanks to all those who`ve tried...i love you

[Infinite]

At Last

You dearly departed
You went forever
A hand gun in my hand
A bullet in the other
Barrel at my temple
My finger on the trigger
I feel myself tremble
I really do miss her
There was no antidote
There was no cure
Shoot for sanity
Fall to the floor
The grass now greener
The brighter the weather
Back with my lover
We Are Now Together

[Infinite]

Dead

I am dead, but I have no grave
No one ever knew me
No one ever missed me
I have never been born

I am dead, but I have never lived
Buried in this eternity
Never had the dream
The dream of life

Still waiting for a woman
To give me
Birth
The unholy night mother

When the time is inn
I shall dream myself away
From this mist
This eternity

[Infinite]

Invisible

Invisibility.

Many people long for the power.

It's not as much fun
when all that you ever wanted in life

was to be seen

by at least one person.

Being invisible

Means no one knows who you are

no one knows when you're around

and no one knows when you're gone.

Now I am gone

and still
it will be as if
nothing ever happened

i was never there in the first place

at least not to you

i was, and now, always will be

invisible

[Infinite]

Answer Me

I was waiting for an answer to a question that you never heard me ask.

Pay attention, I am drowning here.
My convictions are overwhelmed by my fear.
Only one reason that I would remain.
Give me a change and I just might explain.

Time for me to give it all away, and return all I have borrowed today.
One last chance for someone to ask me to stay, before I go and throw it all away.

Sick of waiting for forgiveness from an angel that I never believed in anyways...

[Tracey]

Love them.

[Infinite]

O RLY?

[Tracey]

ya rly

[Infinite]

HMMM

[Infinite]

Nothing to Gein

Cold and silent, soiled face I will wash it all away,
With my love,
That's all she's ever needed, from me
It's my time, to mother,
One of my own in my life,
I am so alone, left with no one
In my life, I'm so alone

Life submissiveness,
Hypnotizing the ignorant a little boy's best friend's always his
mother,
At least that's what she said,
Life of a simple man,
Taught that everyone else is dirty,
And their love is meaningless,
I'm just a soiled dirty boy,
I'm just a soiled dirty boy,

Sheltered life innocence,
Insulated memories, spark reflections of my head,
Duality in my consciousness,
Caught in the war of hemispheres,
Between the love lost in my head,
Mommy do you still live inside of me,
I'm so lost in my life without any guiding,
Protected me my whole life from everything,
Nailed shut the doors to the shrine,
To screen your dead eyes from me and my sickness,
Mutilate and sew my new clothes for masquerading,
Aprons of flesh corpse scalped hair with skin upon my face,

Deliver the remains from her womb of earth,
Prep the rack and tie up for new love's rebirth,
Covert understanding of novice surgery,
I'll focus concentration and only take just what I need
For sickness I'm masticating,
Dancing and masturbating,
Celebrate in fields of night with skin upon my face

If I soak my hands in others blood am I sick,
If I wash my hands in others blood am I sick,
If I drench myself in others blood am I sick,
If I bathe myself in others blood

Blame mother for the sickness,
Mutilate and sew my new clothes for masquerading,
Aprons of flesh corpse scalped hair with skin upon my face,
Dance and masturbate in night light by myself..

Nothing is left for me to gain they're coming to take me far
away,

[Infinite]

Look at Me

mommy look at me
and what i have become
look at me
and see what you've done
i'm not me
i've grown up and i'm not the only one
mommy look at me
on drugs and sad
why i have become like you
i have even become like dad
my life you gave me
the things i have brought
the pills and life
is something i try to have fought
mommy look at me
aren't you proud
soon mommy keep this up
you'll be just like daddy
never around
mommy look at me
i'm out of my mind
mommy i'm becoming like you and daddy
i get high until i'm blind
mommy look at me arent you happy
my life is crappy
i am forever alone
and continue to be stoned
mommy look at me
aren't you proud
im gonna be a star
but oops i can't
cause i have became what you and daddy are

[Infinite]

All For You

To my loves (you know who who u are):
When you hear my name
I want you to think of my love for you
The way we laughed together
The way we loved each other
Because even though I know this hurts you
So much I needed to do this and I hope you forgive me for what I have done
I never wanted to hurt you
but I could not love you in the way I wanted to
I only wish that through my death you can live
I hope that I have not made you cry
because I have died.
I loved you and I will continue to watch over you for you made me live for the first time in my life
I hope I have not ruined your life
For it is because of your life that I gave my own
I never showed you all of my feelings
For I did not want you to be scared
My mind always was searching for the courage to do this and as you are reading this I hope that my words give you some comfort
I don***8217;t want you to be saddened by my death
For I realized that my life was about one love
My love for you the love I could never have
The love that was forbidden and the love that will stay with you forever
When you move on which I hope is soon and you try to build a relationship I want you to give that person 95 percent of your heart for I want to always be in a part of your heart as you filled all of my heart in those final moments as I am writing this

For my family:
) know you will all be shocked but if you just let my death go it would be best People will always die and over time I will be just another stat certain things will remind you of me but then if you look through my diary you will know that the one reason why I did this is because of the way that my first love hurt me and how she always had a part in my life
I only have one request:
Even though I have hurt all of you so much
I only wish that you can forgive me and spread the word about suicide prevention which kept me from doing this for many years until my former love and my love for all of you tore my heart into a million pieces and I could not have gone on.
I love you all

[Casey]

eh i cant read poetry
i get lost like
i read a line
then
i forgot it
then i read another
and im like wtf
what is this talking about
so listen to others oppinions on it...
i like all art forms but i sux at poetry

[v-empire]

its all about death and being pityful or sorrowful.

death. its only death. just do what you wanted to do, be nice to others and especially your self. learn to be happy. and your life will be happy.

all of us have to die. we just dont know it yet.
some of us do. which is beneficial because things can be arranged and planned.

for some, we would be dead tomorrow or even tonight.
and its going to be more of a shock to others than to yourself.

so, go out and be nice, love yourself.

find the things that make you feel good. chocolates, ice cream, the feel of wool, whateverm i personally like the smell of race gas in the morning and the smell of rubber coz it remind me of me when i was little and innocent.


find these things, we'll learn to recognize them, and make them sacred and dont go shy on them if you arent hurting anyone else.

no one will remember any of us or things wont mean anything about anything.

learn to spent time with ur family. and people you love. if they dont love you back, there is no need too do the same. move on.

i can see that its hard to be yourself. be a kid. be mindful, and dont take negative feelings and feedback to heart.

go to sleep not thinking about it.

try not to hurt others, but if you do, dont worry about it if you cant fix it. if you didnt plan to. big deal, at least its honest.

have a goal, a dream thats attainable. find out what really really makes you happy, a hobby, a desire.

go out feeling and believing ike yourself.

because at the end of your life, its your life.

celebrate it while its still here.

there is no point respecting the dead.

[Infinite]

Because of Her

She is pretty

she has nice eyes
she is slim
she turns heads as she walks down the street
she has the world at her feet

she has scars, she bleeds
her insecurities
they seem to know them all they point them out as she falls

she hates her body she wants to be thinner
she hates her face with its jaw-line, with it***8217;s nose
with its sad eyes which hold a thousand tears


this box the one she keeps everything in, it***8217;s becoming quite full
what does she do?

she cut herself, it***8217;s cut quite deep this time she lies there watching her life drain away

what a pretty girl, she could have had the world

she was hated, she knew it too
she was hated by so many, she was hated by you
she wasn***8217;t enough? Or was she too much?
The things she said they hid the fact that the only thing she wanted was to just be dead

not long now she feels so cold, a few more things to say
she cared she never stopped

you started it miss you picked on the fact that she is good in the sack
the way she wore her clothes the way she held herself, the way she liked boys
the way she knew what she was
so pretty, such short skirts
so many boys, apparently all used like toys
so great at what she does, great at what she is
yes it is more than laying on your back, that***8217;s the thing she was great at
the only thing

the false vanity hiding such insecurity


four years I waited now she hates me now I am free

no future, no love, no pain

this was the what tipped me over, this is what broke me, I was dead before this was written

it's just the paper work

goodbye

I loved you I still will

[Infinite]

Vermillion Pt.2

she seemed dressed in all of me
stretched across my shame
all the torment and the pain
leaked thru and colored me
id do anything to have her to myself
just to have her for myself
now i dont know what to do
i dont know what to do
when she makes me sad

she is everything to me
the unrequited dream
the song that no one sings
the unattainable
she's a myth that i have to beleive in
all i need to make it real is one more reason
i dont know what to do
i dont know what to do
when she makes me sad

but i wont let this build this inside me
i wont let this build up inside me
i wont let this build up inside me
i wont let this build up inside me

a catch in my throat
choke
torn into pieces
i wont
no
i dont want to be this
but i wont let this build up inside me
i wont let this build up inside me
i wont let this build up inside me
i wont let this build up inside me

(i wont let this build up inside me)
(wont let this build up inside me)

she isnt real
i cant make her real
she isnt real
i cant make her real

[Infinite]

My Only Way

Some days I just wish.
I could run and hide.
No matter where I go.
Suicide seems my only way.

My life is not worth it.
All this pain and suffering.
I dont want to be here anymore.
The only way is suicide.

Nobody can help me.
I cant fix myself.
Nobody knows the real me.
Suicide is the only way.

I put on this false act.
And slap a smile upon my face.
When really Im dying inside.
The only way is suicide.

All I ever wanted was.
To be loved and accepted.
Just to feel the warth of your love.
But you never loved or accepted me.
Suicide is my only way.

I hate you.
Look at what you did to me.
You broke my heart.
You broke my spirit.
You left me empty inside.
Suicide is the way.

You left me
Hurt angry bitter and twisted.
And becuase of you.
Suicide is my only way

Thoughts of Suicide

Here I sit and write this poem
Thinking of all I love and all I hate
Thoughts of suicide thinking its my fate
I think of all the times I used to laugh
And now I wish I'd just die
How did so much misery come in to my life
And now all I have are thoughts of suicide
Crying every night is not the way to live
Heck I'm still a kid
I should be out hanging with all my friends
But these thoughts of suicide haunt my head
Will they care when I am gone
When nothings left expect my thoughts
And this small poem telling everyone
I will be no more in about an hour
Don't try to save me
Just save your tears
Nothing can stop me
Because i have thoughts of suicide
Heres to the end my dear friend
I hope you live life through
This is the end to this girls life
And all her thoughts to boot
Nothing there but my thoughts my secret thoughts of suicide

Suicide is Poetry

with nothing left
everyday i wake up hoping to die
i show not a sign
but the pain in my eyes
ridiculed in my plain disguise
of what i really am
and of what i dispise
i wreck everything
i ever touch
i cant do that anymore
its all to much
i wanna slit my wrist
and let the pain bleed away
to feel the cold numbness
of death on its way
most would say thats suicide
i call it poetry in motion
poetry without words
no pen or paper
but like a play of the written words
acting it out
suicide is poetry
i have no doubt

My Only Friend

Let me bleed away my pain,
Melt away from all my fears.
These wounds get deeper as I go,
I've chocked back all my tears.
The hurt inside my darkest dreams,
Shows through my stone cold eyes.
To open them would tear my soul,
For half the night I waste in sighs.
Suicide is my only friend,
To help me through my tasks.
Suicide is the only friend,
To let me forget my past.
I do not ask for many things,
So of you I ask this;
Will suicide be my only friend?
Or will you save me from this misery?

My Final Goodbye

It is now I know my fate
Come tomorrow,
It'll be too late
I'm drowning in my sorrow

With my bleeding wrist,
I'm on the floor,
I'm choosing not to live
My life anymore

This is my suicide,
My one final goodbye
You won't have any clue
How I'm about to die

Beaten and broken,
Can't live this anymore
My mind has spoken
I'll die on the floor

My heart's broken,
My feelings hurt,
I'm too emotional,
So you push me in the dirt

Nothing left in this life for me
If only people could see
My presence
That will soon be existence free

This is my suicide,
My one final goodbye
And you won't have any clue
How I'm about to die.

Taboo Thoughts

Every night as I lay down to sleep,
These thoughts seep into my mind,
Thoughts about overdose,
Thoughts about cutting to deep.

These thoughts are the ones I wake to,
These thoughts are the last ones I have,
As I lay my head down,
These thoughts are the ones that come,
While I sit in school and smile,
These are the thoughts that haunt me.

I want to drown,
Get hit by a car,
Hang from rope,
Bleed till I'm dry,
Drink till it's dark,
Overdose on pills,
Cry every tear,
Leave this behind.

By fire,
By ice,
I want to end my life,
I don't care how,
As long as it's now,
Just end it all.

I know that she'll cry,
I know that he'll yell,
I know they'll hate me,
For what I did,
But still,
Please let me end it.

I drink to feel good,
I cut just to feel,
Why do I try so hard,
When my effort does nothing at all.

I can't go on,
This shell of a person,
I need to break out,
Get out of this hell.

Suicide haunts me,
Suicidal thoughts,
Suicide is in my mind,
Suicide runs how I walk,
How I talk.

Suicide,
A sad,
Taboo,
Good-bye.

Suicide,
It's going to make them all cry.

Suicide,
Reserve me a seat in hell,
Suicide,
I'm getting out of this shell.

Suicide,
A sad,
Taboo,
Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Given Up

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
with me!

GOD!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my fucking misery!

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me

[Z infidel]

Wow there is so much imagery and emotion. Those are great poems (even though Im sure you're in pain, i've been there too). I applaud your vivid wordsmithery. Do you mind if I post one I wrote when I was deployed?

[Infinite]

go for it. its why i made the thread.
i haved a pretty dark and fucked up mind... hence the words.
although i never really try to commit suicide, this is sort of my escape, its lets me think and plan things... then i feel better

[Z infidel]

through the night

The time goes by slowly at first
I sit and wait for the last finish
Watching the devils, feeling cursed
And the last bit of the day diminish

This journey is now apexing
It begins to slow
A place that was perplexing
Its age begins to show

What lies beyond these morbid gates
Withered and weathered, grotesquely they stand
The monsters beyond desecrate
Painting a scene of macab across the land

Will I make it to the other side
Will I be pulled down and die
Or will I simply run and hide
Forever unkown unless I try


I have a few post break-up poems somewhere so I know where you are coming from, only you have a much greater mastery of words than I.

[Infinite]

well i dont really try to, i guess im just good at screaming silently...

Mutual Suicide

Sufficent breaths
nothing left
of the best
settling for what's thought
good enough
but it's really rough
uncut

Full of hate
anger
meant to die
but wanting to fly
you are the one
left insulted
how's it feel

Not alive
waiting for mutual suicide
just a quick ride
fast
hard fun
the thrill
adrenaline rush
knowing
I am at that breaking point
that's why I run into the arms of
mutual suicide

What do you mean
what's the deal
you say the words
and we both feel like shit

Dull on the inside
victim
on the outside
torn between
middle of me

Not alive
waiting for mutual suicide
just a quick ride
fast
hard fun
the thrill
adrenaline rush
knowing
I am at that breaking point
that's why I run into the arms of
mutual suicide...

[Infinite]

The Sweetest Suicide

ife goes on

just another day

this is the sweetest suicide

blood pours out

of my open wounds

this is the sweetest suicide

the haunting smiles

and heartless laughter

this is the sweetest suicide

the pills are counted

the knife is sharp

this is the sweetest suicide

the letter placed

my final breath

this is the sweetest suicide

and now at last

i say goodbye

this is the sweetest suicide


I'd Give it All Away

Tell me why
why does it always come back to this
my emptyness
my lack of being

i saw you sitting there
you looked at me
i looked back

i knew then you'd be mine
we sat together in class...
hours turned into days
days into weeks

we started talking
things were going great
one problem.
the semester was over

you call me "boo"
you call me "babes"
you say we'll hang out
you hug me and hold me tight

yet why don't i hear from you
things were going so great
there has to be a reason
for you.

for you not calling me back
for you avoiding me
i'd give it all away

just to be with you
to call you my own
what do i have to
to have you

so tell me why
why does it always come back to this
my emptyness
my lack of being

you can't

Remembrance

He remembers it all,
All the people who had said
They cared, but did they really?

He remembers it all,
The sound of laughter and
How happy he had been, but was he really?

He remembers it all,
Her arms around him and
She said "I love you," but did she really?

He remembers it all,
The pain he felt when she left,
How his heart ached, but was it really?

He remembers it all,
The feeling of being so alone,
The feeling no one cared, but did they really?

But now they'll remember him,
Staring at the knife in his hand
How easy to slit his wrists, but will he really?

If you Only Knew
Far from me and like the stars, the sea and all the trappings of poetic myth,
Far from me but here all the same without your knowing,
Far from me and even more silent because I imagine you endlessly.
Far from me, my lovely mirage and eternal dream, you cannot know.
If you only knew.
Far from me and even farther yet from being unaware of me and still unaware.
Far from me because you undoubtedly do not love me or, what amounts to the
same thing, that I doubt you do.
Far from me because you consciously ignore my passionate desires.
Far from me because you are cruel.
If you only knew.
Far from me, joyful as a flower dancing in the river at the tip of its aquatic stem,
sad as seven p.m. in a mushroom bed.
Far from me yet silent in my presence and still joyful like a stork-shaped hour
falling from on high.
Far from me at the moment when the stills are singing, at the moment when the
silent and loud sea curls up on its white pillows.
If you only knew.
Far from me, o my ever-present torment, far from me in the magnificent noise of
oyster shells crushed by a night owl passing a restaurant at first light.
If you only knew.
Far from me, willed, physical mirage.
Far from me there's an island that turns aside when ships pass.
Far from me a calm herd of cattle takes the wrong path, pulls up stubbornly at the
edge of a steep cliff, far from me, cruel woman.
Far from me, a shooting star falls into the poet's nightly bottle.
He corks it right away and from then on watches the star enclosed in the glass, the
constellations born on its walls, far from me, you are so far from me.
If you only knew.
Far from me a house has just been built.
A bricklayer in white coveralls at the top of the scaffolding sings a very sad little
song and, suddenly, in the tray full of mortar, the future of the house appears:
lovers' kisses and double suicides nakedness in the bedrooms strange beautiful
women
and their midnight dreams, voluptuous secrets caught in the act by the parquet
floors.
Far from me, If you only knew.
If you only knew how I love you and, though you do not love me, how happy I
am, how strong and proud I am, with your image in my mind,
to leave the universe.
How happy I am to die for it.
If you only knew how the world has yielded to me.
And you, beautiful unyielding woman, how you too are my prisoner.
O you, far-from-me, who I yield to.
If you only knew.

A Ballad of Suicide
The gallows in my garden, people say,

Is new and neat and adequately tall;
I tie the noose on in a knowing way

As one that knots his necktie for a ball;
But just as all the neighbours***8212;on the wall***8212;
Are drawing a long breath to shout "Hurray!"

The strangest whim has seized me. . . . After all
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
To-morrow is the time I get my pay***8212;

My uncle's sword is hanging in the hall***8212;
I see a little cloud all pink and grey***8212;

Perhaps the rector's mother will not call***8212; I fancy that I heard from Mr. Gall
That mushrooms could be cooked another way***8212;

I never read the works of Juvenal***8212;
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
The world will have another washing-day;

The decadents decay; the pedants pall;
And H.G. Wells has found that children play,

And Bernard Shaw discovered that they squall,
Rationalists are growing rational***8212;
And through thick woods one finds a stream astray

So secret that the very sky seems small***8212;
I think I will not hang myself to-day.

ENVOI
Prince, I can hear the trumpet of Germinal,
The tumbrils toiling up the terrible way;

Even to-day your royal head may fall,
I think I will not hang myself to-day

Suicide Note
"You speak to me of narcissism but I reply that it is
a matter of my life" - Artaud

"At this time let me somehow bequeath all the leftovers
to my daughters and their daughters" - Anonymous

Better,
despite the worms talking to
the mare's hoof in the field;
better,
despite the season of young girls
dropping their blood;
better somehow
to drop myself quickly
into an old room.
Better (someone said)
not to be born
and far better
not to be born twice
at thirteen
where the boardinghouse,
each year a bedroom,
caught fire.

Dear friend,
I will have to sink with hundreds of others
on a dumbwaiter into hell.
I will be a light thing.
I will enter death
like someone's lost optical lens.
Life is half enlarged.
The fish and owls are fierce today.
Life tilts backward and forward.
Even the wasps cannot find my eyes.

Yes,
eyes that were immediate once.
Eyes that have been truly awake,
eyes that told the whole story***8212;
poor dumb animals.
Eyes that were pierced,
little nail heads,
light blue gunshots.

And once with
a mouth like a cup,
clay colored or blood colored,
open like the breakwater
for the lost ocean
and open like the noose
for the first head.


This time
I certainly
do not ask for understanding
and yet I hope everyone else
will turn their heads when an unrehearsed fish jumps
on the surface of Lake Lanier;
when moonlight,
its bass note turned up loud,
hurts some building in Atlanta,
when the truly beautiful lie together.
I think of this, surely,
and would think of it far longer
if I were not***8230; if I were not
at that old fire.

I could admit
that I am only a coward
crying me me me
and not mention the little gnats, the moths,
forced by circumstance
to suck on the electric bulb.
But surely you know that everyone has a death,
his own death,
waiting for him.
So I will go now
without old age or disease,
wildly but accurately,
knowing my best route,
carried by that toy donkey I rode all these years,
never asking, ***8220;Where are we going?***8221;
We were riding (if I'd only known)
to this.

Dear friend,
please do not think
that I visualize guitars playing
or my father arching his bone.
I do not even expect my mother's mouth.
I know that I have died before***8212;
once in November, once in June.
How strange to choose June again,
so concrete with its green breasts and bellies.
Of course guitars will not play!
The snakes will certainly not notice.
Atlanta will not mind.
At night the bats will beat on the trees,
knowing it all,
seeing what they sensed all day.

Suicide's Stone
Peace is the heir of dead desire,
Whether abundance killed the cormorant
In a happy hour, or sleep or death
Drowned him deep in dreamy waters,
Peace is the ashes of that fire,
The heir of that king, the inn of that journey.

This last and best and goal: we dead
Hold it so tight you are envious of us
And fear under sunk lids contempt.
Death-day greetings are the sweetest.
Let trumpets roar when a man dies
And rockets fly up, he has found his fortune.

Yet hungering long and pitiably
That way, you shall not reach a finger
To pluck it unripe and before dark
Creep to cover: life broke ten whipstocks
Over my back, broke faith, stole hope,
Before I denounced the covenant of courage.

Wanting to Die

Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.

Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention,
the furniture you have placed under the sun.

But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.

Twice I have so simply declared myself,
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.

In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.

I did not think of my body at needle point.
Even the cornea and the leftover urine were gone.
Suicides have already betrayed the body.

Still-born, they don't always die,
but dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile.

To thrust all that life under your tongue!--
that, all by itself, becomes a passion.
Death's a sad Bone; bruised, you'd say,

and yet she waits for me, year after year,
to so delicately undo an old wound,
to empty my breath from its bad prison.

Balanced there, suicides sometimes meet,
raging at the fruit, a pumped-up moon,
leaving the bread they mistook for a kiss,

leaving the page of the book carelessly open,
something unsaid, the phone off the hook
and the love, whatever it was, an infection.

Buried Deep Inside

At work
With other people
At times
On the outside

I look fine
I seem fine
I feel pretty good
I have a positive attitude...

But inside, alone, I carry dark & heavy thoughts --
fleeting thoughts of suicide.
The words cannot convey,
the feelings, the pain

Somehow I ignore them --
for a while, perhaps --
a long while, all day, or many days --
figure it will go away -- ignore
It's automatically not even recognized mentally.

I go back
forcing myself
forcing day to day, week to week,
contact with people and life
My sorrow is hidden,
My anguish contained.

I push forward;
I feel like dying.
I tell no one.
No one knows how I feel..

By This Time

By this time I knew I was depressed. I would sit in my office wondering what I was going to do and what was going to happen to me...

.....I could turn my head and see an object on a desk -- It would make me think of something else, and it in turn something else, ballooning into thoughts of global proportion.....

.....thoughts connecting from a stapler on a desk into a worldwide problem of universal doom.

In my mind's eye
I see

the world as hopeless
the problems overwhelming
change is insurmountable
the whole of life as futile

Hopelessness to Infinity

.....My mind and heart are squeezed for their juices - vacillating between thought and feeling, and feeling and thought - Thoughts rebounding off feelings of sorrow.....

My mind searching for answers
My heart is still
The realization is solemn and deep:

My life is over
My death must occur
There is no hope
My heart is torn apart
My tears overflowing

How can I live ?
How can I die ?
How can I leave ?

Will I know that I've hurt them ?
Will I know how they feel ?
I feel sorrow for them
I feel sorrow for me.....

Those whom I love
.....Those who love me

Solemn

Solemn

Still

Alone

human life

full of sorrow


full of woe

but still we endure

we choose to live
we still find joy within the sorrow

must there be a meaning
must there be a reason to live ? .........

what if the sorrow
what if the pain
fills the life & voids all joy ?

what if to look and see
or just to be
supplies too much agony

what if no joy can suffice
or bring to light
reason to live or not to die ? .........


Oh if the transition from life to death
were only so easy
as to decide

that this

will be your last breath



to walk on the beach letting go of life's hand

to lie down and disintegrate into the sand

Should I Go?

If I died, would you even know?
Just one little bullet, one single blow.

What am I to you, except a pain.
If I were dead, you would probably gain.

Am I the only one who feels this way?
Should I go on to see another day?

I'm confused, my life's a mess.
With death, comes no stress.

Would anyone even cry?
I bet all eyes would stay dry.

Sometimes I wish I could end it-
If death was meant for me...
I wish someone would send it.

Why?

Why do I always wanna die?
Is it because this world is full of hate?

Why do I always cry?
Is it because no one bothers to see my inner beauty?

Why do I always cut myself?
Is it because i would rather have physical pain than inner pain?

Why do people always leave me by myself?
Is it because I am not a pleasant person to be around?

Why do I always cry myself to sleep every night?
Is it because someone took away my only love?

Why is it, when i'm sad I always grab the knife?
Is it because I want to be with my love again?

Why do I always make the wrong decisions in my life?
Is it because I want attention?

Why do I always start the fight?
Is it because no one understands me?

Why am I such an unhappy guy?
Is it because I have gone through so much pain when i'm only 21?

Why am I about to kill myself?
Is it because no one bothers to listen to me?

Why are the lights getting dimmer?
Is it because i'm about to die?

I guess so...

Red

You hid your secret so deep inside that it didn't show.
You were so sweet and happy, how were we supposed to know?
Now you're gone, and we're too late.
Our hearts are filled with woe, frustration, and hate.

Your voice and our memories continue to fade.
I wish there were some way I could change the choice you made.
I want you to still be here, even as a ghost.
By ending your pain, you took what we needed most.

Anything sad will remind us and bring all the pain back.
There's no escape from the anguish in our hearts that is black.
Why couldn't you have just hung in there?
Why did you just not care?

No words could ever express the deep sadness in our eyes.
It's just too much to bear when someone you love dies.

who is he?

laughter and crying, memories and pain,
our precious love, no longer remains.

Hugs and Kisses

hugs and kisses, we once did share,
but now you're saying that you don't care.

who is he standing in my place,
who is he, with a smile on his face?

the gun in my hand, my final goodbye,
now the blood drips from my eyes.

i collapse on the floor, barely alive,
waiting for my death to arrive.

with a smile on my face, everything starts to fade,
flashback and memories or the love we made.

all of a sudden you appear,
take my body and hold me near.

you want me back, i hear you say,
but my mind is weak, and has gone away.

my lifeless body, against your chest,
my pale cheeks, you start to caress.

you put the gun against your head,
I love you baby, were the last words you said.

you pull the trigger, you squeeze my hand,
we've lost each other once again.

Agony and Defeat

"What is the use?"
You hear me say
I take the abuse
Day after day

She takes my heart,
My feelings, my love
And tears them apart
Isn't that enough?

No, then she pretends
That nothing is wrong
I wish it would end
It's gone on too long

But at the same time
I love her so much
I want her to be mine
To feel her warm touch

And yet it's just
A simple fantasy
To face the truth
I must accept reality

She is not mine
It was never meant to be
It's the end of the road
Not for her, but for me

I can't go on
Feeling this way
All I have is gone
This is my last day

To all who love me
And will miss me, I say,
"I love you all."
But it's better this way...

My Final Goodnight

I took the pills
to stop the pain-
I drew the curtains
to quiet the rain.

I sat down on the couch
to relax my feet-
My story was sad
hard and discrete.

I sat for a moment
then the room quickly spun-
I knew at that time
the end had begun.

A single tear fell
not anymore-
Then with a loud crash
my glass hit the floor.

I lay down on the couch
and shut my eyes tight-
Then with my last breath
whispered my final good-night.

Warped & Twisted

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

Darkness

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness

Something Must Be

Something must be wrong with me
with all this hurt inside,
always bursting with anger,
and never any pride.

Something must be wrong with me
if all I do is cry,
I can't stop this pain
all I want to do is die.

Something must be wrong with me
if my emotions run wild,
all this confusion does
is make me feel like a lost child.

Something must be wrong with me
with all these terrible things,
always there and never gone
depression is what it brings.

Something must be wrong with me
if I can't stop these thoughts,
all this pain does
is turn my stomach in knots.

Something is truly wrong with me
when I think there's only one way out,
"Let this pain end,"
is all my heart will shout.

I'll Forget Her When I'm Dead

I***8217;m sitting here all alone
Writing my suicide poem
I***8217;m in the park after dark
I***8217;m afraid to go home
I***8217;m afraid of the oncoming pain
It***8217;s the reason I cut my vain
I grab the blade and hold it tight
As I live my final night
The blade sinks in as I cut my skin
Releasing the pain within
The blood flows down as my troubles drown
I drop to my knees in a bloody mess
This is the night I have long detest
I drop to my knees it***8217;s hard to breathe
My goal I have achieved
I drop to my chest as I***8217;m laid to rest
All I know is I did my best

How Could You

I can do
Is sit alone in my room
Thinking of you
How could this be you are not here with me
When I gave you the best of me
I face each day without a smile
And life seems so unfair
I feel like I want to die
Cause you didn't give me a last good-bye
I've waited weeks for your call
I've waited here by the phone
But when the silence grew long
I knew something was wrong
Right then I knew it
How could you do it, tear my heart in two
There is no more blue in my sky
Only cloudy mornings
And these tears like rain you left behind
All of those memories in the corners of my mind
I start looking at us
At a picture of us in a frame
And I start to cry
Cause I can't see us apart
Tell me it's not true
Will I have to spend
The rest of my life without you
How can I get through this pain of losing you

To Stop the Pain

The pain I feel I cannot bear
Why me it***8217;s just not fair
I grab the gun and cock it back
My sanity is what I lack
I aim the gun and slowly squeeze
I let it go and fall to my knees
A puddle of blood forms around my head
The pain has ceased I think I***8217;m dead
I couldn***8217;t take the pain in me
It forced away my sanity
I used to sit and think of you
As if there was nothing I could do
I found away to end my strife
To bad it was to end my life
I stopped the pain with such ease
All it took was I slight squeeze

Forgive

I remember the day like yesterday
When I looked into your heart,
I thought I saw forever,
But forever fell apart.
I never knew this day would come,
Not in a million years.
That I would be sitting here without you,
To wipe away my tears.

I never believed you***8217;d do it
I thought it was a joke.
Till i heard the gun go off,
My heart leapt to my throat.
Nobody understood what happened,
Nobody really knew why,
I was the only one who knew

I told myself it was meant to be,
But i knew it was a lie.
The thought of living without you,
Still makes me cry.

So I***8217;m sitting here without you,
Four years since that day.
The day the girl I was meant to love,
Went so very far away.

I seem to love another now,
Just like you said I would.
But life here without you,
Still isn***8217;t very good.

I know you***8217;d be so proud of me,
To see how much I***8217;ve changed.
I***8217;m learning to trust again,
To break away the chains.
The ones that held my walls so tight,
That no one could get in.
I***8217;m learning to love myself again,
I***8217;m learning to Forgive...

You Are the Death of Me

I try to let you go
As I hold in my tears
The pain you***8217;ll never know
It***8217;s been just half a year
You will never understand
What you put me through
You could never comprehend
What I feel for you
But you really didn***8217;t care
You just toyed with me head
But now I won***8217;t be there
You are why I***8217;m dead
I really did love you
I thought that you could tell
You should have just shot me
Shit you might as well
Maybe I***8217;m not dead
But mentally I am gone
There***8217;s nothing left to be said
It***8217;s clearly been to long
And I still lose my sleep
I stay up through the night
It***8217;s a fascinating sight
Cutting my wrist so deep
My blood forms a puddle
A puddle at my feet
I start to lose all feeling
I think I have gone too far
Tonight I won***8217;t be healing
This will be my final scar
As my last request
I wish to say goodbye
I want to look into your eyes
Right before I die
Just hold you in my arms
And allow myself to cry
Maybe then you***8217;ll understand
How you made me die

It's Too Hard

I told you that I wished to die
You laughed at me as I cried
You told me that you loved me
I should have know it was a lie
Now ill die from suicide
In one hand I held a knife
I cut myself to end this life
It***8217;s to hard to cut the vain
But I hate this shit it***8217;s so insane
So in my hand I hold the gun
I aim that shit and slowly squeeze
Let this work oh god please
I couldn***8217;t do it its way to hard
But never again will I drop my guard
Even after all this pain
My love for you is still the same
I miss the way I held you tight
I miss those long and happy nights
I can***8217;t believe I let that end
I don***8217;t know if ill be the same again
Then we had to say goodbye
That same night I died inside
I***8217;ll never love like I loved you

Pain Filled Life

Never will I be the same
Not after all this pain
I have scars up and down my wrist
But the cutting still persist
I try to end my pain filled life
But it***8217;s so hard with the knife
I push it down so the blade sinks in
Then I slide so it cuts the skin
No matter how hard I try
I can***8217;t seem to fucking die
I can***8217;t take this anymore
The pains so hard to ignore
I grab a rope and make it loose
So my head can fit through the noose
I grab the knot and make it tight
Hopefully I can die tonight
I kick and gag for some air
Then I stop as I***8217;m hanging there
I think it worked I see the light
I hope this is my final night
Then I decided it can***8217;t end this way
So I cut the rope so I can stay
Now when I sit and cry
I don***8217;t wish that I may die
Only that I can ignore the pain
Knowing nothing can be the same
So instead of leaving without a fight
I will live another night
I think ill put the knife away
Hoping the pain wont forever stay
I want to tell you how much I care
But your leaving me it***8217;s just not fair
I love you more and more each day
I hate the day you go away
I don***8217;t know what I will do
Or if I can live without you
Never will I say goodbye
Not until the day I die
And in that day I hope your there
So I can tell you how much I care
My heart will never get a rest
Cause ill love you even after death
Ill sit in heaven and wait for you
That***8217;s how I know my love is true
I hope someday it will be
I wake up and it***8217;s you I see
To wake up to you by my side
Is a feeling I could never describe
I doubt my dreams will come true
But I will always love you
It***8217;s the day I die
That ill say goodbye
When I lose you ill take out the knife
<!-- This page was viewed on Buzzle.com on 1/1/2008 5:29:38 AM. More info: URL accessed: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/10-25-2005-79837.asp HTTP_USER_AGENT: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.1.11) Gecko/20071127 Firefox/2.0.0.11 REMOTE_ADDR: 68.211.49.212 REMOTE_HOST: 68.211.49.212 Copyright 2000 Buzzle.com All rights reserved --><!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- author start -->And wait for you in my after life

Wonder Why

I looked into your eyes
And I saw our demise
I began to cry
As I wondered why
Why you had to go away
Our why you couldn***8217;t stay
I really think were meant to be
So promise you***8217;ll comeback to me
Maybe if I hold you tight
You will stay just one more night
I hope that we will meet again
Fall in love like we did back then
Please don***8217;t just leave me here
I think that is my greatest fear
To live without you by my side
I did it once and almost died
With one kiss you fill my heart
It***8217;s not the end just the start
Just tell me that you will stay
Don***8217;t let our love end this way
There***8217;s no place too far
No matter where you are
I will find away
To comeback to you someday

Every Night

Every night I wish you goodnight
And I try not to cry
For I know that never again
Will you be by my side?
I try to hold back
The things I wish to say
Because I fear someday
Your love will go away
Every night I think
If I should let you know
Just how much I love you
And I don***8217;t want to let you go
I really don***8217;t have a choice
On weather you stay or leave
But I can***8217;t end these thoughts
My mind stays under siege
I wish I could explain
Exactly how I feel
But I love you so much
It almost feels unreal
I***8217;m sorry I can***8217;t tell you
In words how I feel
But every time I try
It***8217;s just the same old deal
No one hears my screams
No one hears me shout
I open my mouth
But the words won***8217;t come out
All I can say is that I love you so much
I dream of the day
I again feel your touch
All I have to say
Is I love you so much

Lost Control

I realize I have lost control
Of feelings I hold for you
I know that I love you
And there***8217;s nothing I can do
I can***8217;t help but feel
That we have come to a demise
It***8217;s really no big deal
But I can see it in your eyes
I can***8217;t help but think
I***8217;m playing the same old game
If I were to be right
Then the end will be the same
Now I don***8217;t want to fight
There***8217;s no point in trying
If I***8217;m still here crying
I have to accept the fact
That nothing will be the same
I just wish you could tell me that
Instead of continuing your game
I want to still be your friend
Maybe soon my heart will mend
Ill be alright after all
Everyone gets up when they fall
I can***8217;t be weak, I will stay strong
But it hurts to know
My love will stay when you***8217;re gone
I don***8217;t know why my mind is set
Or why it***8217;s you I can***8217;t forget
The pain is back, its back again
It hurts more then it did back then
Please don***8217;t start to lie to me
Just tell me the truth and let me be
No matter what you do or say
My love for you will always stay
Just tell me the truth and go away
You can leave me here to die today
I don***8217;t care if I live or die
As long as I no longer cry
Then I can be satisfied
I won***8217;t kill myself
Ill be alright
I just might not sleep tonight
Who cares about the way I feel
Don***8217;t worry bout me its no big deal
<!-- This page was viewed on Buzzle.com on 1/1/2008 5:31:24 AM. More info: URL accessed: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/10-17-2005-79163.asp HTTP_USER_AGENT: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.1.11) Gecko/20071127 Firefox/2.0.0.11 REMOTE_ADDR: 68.211.49.212 REMOTE_HOST: 68.211.49.212 Copyright 2000 Buzzle.com All rights reserved --><!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- author start -->After all, everyone gets up when they fall

[PLAY]

PAIN

Pain.

Not simply the sharp pain of an estranging glare, nor the dull, throbbing pain of observing a life unlived, though these both are mine.

The pain of being invisible, the feral, desperate pain that goes wailing into the night to be snatched up by a cold wind and thrown back, unanswered. The hopeless, sobbing pain of standing alone under a damp indifferent sky throbbing with lifeless stars.

No matter if I were to live; it would be but a mockery of life, for always in the back of my mind is the knowledge that even should I live a century, I will still die alone.

The world is but a churning machine, cycling through souls like so many abstract numbers. I do well to leave it.

i find it hard to believe that you yourself, do not take many enjoyments while existing in this "churning machine"

your existence is only a mockery of life if you make it. What does dying alone have to do with living in the present. dying alone is irrelevant to what you do while you are alive.


FOREVER
now i sit here.
the gun pointed at my heart.
to kill my sorrows.
to pass into a different place.
i wanted to be a doctor.
i wanted to be smart.
i wanted you to love me.
but you never saw me.
i was glass to you.
it has always been that way
why should i keep walking along this road of monotony and disappointment?
i will leave this road now.
walk into the waiting trees.
forever lost.


again, here you are obviously in a negative state of mind. effort. if you want these things go after them with all of your strength. anything worth having doesnt come easy.


FADE
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things arent what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye.

seems to me like you are always on the brink of giving up. you dont see much meaning in living, but as ive said before, you give your own life meaning. it may sound strange to you, but some people enjoy living on depression. the sensation it brings is somewhat comforting to some, i used to, but its a phase, and you'll eventually have to come up with a diferent way of thinking. A form of motivation that wll make your life a much more enjoyable experience.

My motivation for living is quite basic: i find things that i like and then i do them.Some people live for their paychecks, some live for their religion, but all people want is to have a fullfilling life that sums up with their standards.

You have to ask yourself: Why ARE you truly living? You will come up with an answer or you will truly be lost until you do.

overall your poetry is very vivid and paints a clear picture of your feelings most of the time. some poets like not to make their emotions so obvious, leaves room for some analyzing on the readers part. It's somewhat depressing, hell, who am i kidding , its alot of depressing, but hopefully you'll get over it and realize that your life isn't that bad

[Infinite]

maybe, i dont try to sugar coat my feelings.
i wear my heart and my shoulder. i dont have a reason to hide them

on to more depressing things :p

Self-Abuse

You take it, and you take it
And you learn,
You learn all too well,
So that later, when there's nobody to dish it out,
You can punch yourself in the gut
And take it some more.

The best part is,
With training and practice,
You learn your own soft spots and weaknesses,
So that you become your own best tormentor.

Double up over the pain and swallow.
It'll still be there tomorrow,
Waiting for you.

Distance


I pull it around me like a cloak
And watch youthrough its folds
It muffles every word and gesture
Every move I make
If you were to strike me
I would feel shadow-blows
If you were to hold me
I would feel shadow-comfort
My distance is my security
But its refuge is cold and numb

Depressive Without A Cause

So here I am, sitting
Alone in the dark again
What a perfect fucking metaphor
I'm so tired of this
I know I have no reason to feel this pain but
Of course I can't stop it now

It's nights like this when
I don't want to hear solutions
And my dreams just tease me
With promises of a better tomorrow
That isn't today yet
And patience isn't one of my virtues

What, you mean this isn't normal for me?
Either I'm damn good at hiding this or
I spend a lot more time than I like to think
Lost in my head
Angst may be fashionable these days, but
I'd much rather be a happy geek

Nothing Means The World To Me

I'm trying to reevaluate the life that I've had
and find a way to never go back to it.
I wish that I wasn't condemned to be the
same person that I was yesterday.
There's not enough time allotted within mortality
to go on with this casual, "do-nothing" life.
I've got to join the rat-race,
before I'm just a rat.
I've got to make myself someone,
before everyone sees me as nothing.

But I still believe that
a no one is the everyone,
that a loser is still the real winner.
I still believe in delusional dreams,
and a teenage sense of hope.
I still place all my faith into you.

Anarchist


I want to be a exhibitionist,
because to be an exhibitionist,
you must be egotistical enough,
to believe that you'll turn another human on.

I want to be a socialist,
because to be a socialist,
you must be selfless enough,
to believe that you don't deserve everything that you have.

I want to be an anarchist,
because to be an anarchist,
you must be crazy enough,
to believe that everyone deserves to be free.

Bury

We all believe in something more than what we have,
so we don***8217;t feel like we***8217;ve missed out on everything.
We all believe there is something more,
so we don***8217;t feel like there***8217;s nothing at all.

And it always centers inside of my ear.
And it hides within a grand-mal.
And it lives and breathes in the enemies I create.
And it manifests in my hate.

And it always centers inside of your crusade.
And it stares out from within your desperation.
And it lives and breathes inside of the person you***8217;ve went all out to formulate.
And it manifests in a fictional me, and you won***8217;t let yourself escape.

Anywhere we can place the blame.
Anywhere we can bury the hurt.
Anyone we can point the finger at.
Anyone we can hide inside.

Anything, as long as we don***8217;t have to let it go.
Keep the fire burning by putting it out.
Keep the light on by removing the bulb.
Anything but having to face the everything
we haven***8217;t had the chance to fabricate.

Crucifix

Crucifix is stained with hate.
Crucifix is stained with lust.
Crucifix is stained with hypocrisy.
Crucifix is stained with televangelists.

Crucifix is on fire.
Church burns down.
Up in flames, God barbecued his choir.

How can we have faith?
How can we blindly follow?
Too many conflicted messages make the entire thing seem hollow.

Crucifix, Crucifix,
send all of my friends to Heaven.
Crucifix, Crucifix,
send all of my enemies to Hell.
Crucifix, Crucifix,
while you***8217;re at it, could you send me a new DVD player, as well?
One that works this time?

Church shooter guns down the congregation,
just when they were learning they***8217;d burn in hell
for acts of masturbation.
Oh, so many of them in eternal fire.
I wonder if they***8217;ve been joined by the charcoaled choir?
Look through the ashes.
Look through the bullet holes . . .
get a look at this -
the only thing left standing
is the battered crucifix!

The First of September

The first of September,
I walk down to the park
where we used to go late at night to hold hands.
The place where we'd promise each other forever.
I sit down at the point I liked to think of as ours.
I reach over to put my hand into yours,
but only get a fistful of sand.
You would smile and tell me
"Whenever you need someone,
I'll always be there for you."
So where are you right now?
I'm alone,
except for some car-engine humming across the street
and a lone dog barking off in the distance.
The swings are perfectly still,
you no longer bring them your laughter.
The moon shines down on me,
it's no longer romantic.
And the stars aren't falling anymore.
The trees are beginning to lose their leaves
and their branches silhouette the night sky.
I lean back, close my eyes and try to imagine you're here with me.
Still offering me all of the dreams that I've never had,
and the solace that I've always desired.
Letting me feel that for once, this heart won't be broken.
Letting me lose myself in your smile.
I open my eyes, hoping to find you.
Hoping that, by some miracle, you come back.
As the car-engine keeps on humming
and the lone dog keeps on barking,
I think I finally found a spot as lonely as me.

Smile

Smile,
the camera's upon you.
Smile,
pretend the world is all yours.
Smile,
pretend that you're actually happy.
Smile,
pretend that you actually care.
Smile,
as though you don't know you're an image.
Smile,
we're all an act.

What it Was

It***8217;s the truth,
yet it***8217;s hard to imagine.
I fell in love with an image and
was seduced by an act.

You've made my life a short, dreary interval
book ended by a cunt, a dick and a grave.
I thought you were more than that.
How could you lie with such an innocent smile?

I***8217;ll never get over the sense of pride that you gave me.
I***8217;ll never smile about what I***8217;ve become.
I***8217;ll never shake my head and say
"that***8217;s the way that it goes."
I***8217;ll never laugh and claim
"It***8217;s all in the past."
I***8217;ll only wrap myself into a ball in the corner
and wish that it wasn***8217;t all the way that it was.

Nostalgia

Nothing you do,
will ever make me happy.
And, if I smile,
it won***8217;t be genuine.
I***8217;m just here,
living through the disaster.
And, if I laugh,
it will prove that I can act.

Nothing you say,
will ever bring me comfort.
No action,
will ever make me trust.
And, I know that if you kiss me,
it will only be an action.
And, I know that if you fuck me,
it will only be in lust.

I***8217;m sitting here in neutral,
never going anywhere,
only dreaming of where I***8217;ve been.
The nowhere of the past,
somehow becomes romantic.
I***8217;ll just put the future on hold,
let seizures and nostalgia waste my time.

Over Again

I***8217;m depressed enough to be a poet again,
the grenade***8217;s to my head, but will I pull the pin?
The person that I loved,
is the enemy in the end.
I won***8217;t sit around the second time,
betrayed again by your lying mind.
This time,
it***8217;s your turn,
your turn to know how it feels.
Staying up every night, having faith,
with a smile on my loving face,
telling you, you mean the world,
and meaning every word.
It***8217;s time you understand,
why I hold this gun in my hand,
shaking in pain,
I won***8217;t die in vein.
Looking through old photographs,
all the times that you laughed.
It always made me glow . . .
just thought you ought to know.

[Infinite]

ZOMG
i guess i'll update this beotch

The Fall

Dear friend, dear family, dear all whom I hate.
This is my chance... My time to escape...
My time to shine, I've just crossed the line.
I swallowed some pills and am slowly dying.

I've taken my life, with no kind of regret.
I came to realize, my life isn't shit.
Reality hates me, fantasy ignores me.
But this shiny little knife, all but adores me.

I cut my wrists, my blood falling into mists.
The vein slowly hisses, as I look into abysses.
I draw the steel, from is red warm womb.
Trail the blood on this note, spelling out "Doom".

I cry acid tears, they burn out my eyes.
They take the sights away from this world I despise.
I still feel the pain, I still hear the torment.
As my soul in my body, still remains dormant.

I get out the rope, tie up the noose.
I've remained here far to long, it's time to be set loose.
I hang my head is sorrow, bidding my farewell.
I jump off the chair, and fall down to Hell...

This world

The scene plays out,
a lifeless body collapses beneath,
a blood-red sky, and hopeless intrigue.

Wading in blood his life fades away,
It was his life, and he didn***8217;t want to stay.
He ended it instead, with a gun to his head.
And what no one could figure, is why he pulled that trigger.
What hurt him enough, to make him hurt himself.
What made him end his life alone and in sorrow.
what made him not want to wake up tomorrow.

As the reddened sky is overcome by the night,
The ten o-clock press discusses what isn***8217;t right,
about this youth who took his life,
about this kid who's unbearable strife,
was overlooked.

It was to late to save him,
because no one would say to him
"are you alright?"

Instead they avoided his tears,
instead they turned there hearts and there ears,
away from this kid...
and they let him die, i assure you they did.
and now they talk, about how they could have saved this poor kid.

It was the parents, there sure to blame.
But that is an argument no one could sustain.
He wanted to die, and he had the gun.
I hope for his sake, he is somewhere better,
then in this world that drove him down,
then in this world that made him take the fall,
then in this world that made him,
end it all.

My Name

A falling rain,
my backdrop.
A seering pain,
my pulse.
A body slain,
my lifeforce.
Driven insane,
my game.

My name is suicide
I deal your anguish and your death,
I grab a hold of your heart
And slowly leak your breath.

My name is self-destruction
I take you to another life,
Meet me anyway you choose
Downing, hanging, gun or knife.

Some people say I'm unholy
I go against God and fate
But as a friend, I say choose
Despair or release, you debate.

Hearts Homicide

This isn***8217;t my suicide letter
This it the letter from a hearts homicide.

Leave me here
On the floor where I belong
Let me go
In the past where I went wrong

Walk away
And let these tears fall
Turn around
And don***8217;t come back when I call

Waste my blood
And leave me with all these scars
Break my heart
And cage it in these bars

Your asking too much of me
And I can***8217;t comply
If I can***8217;t have her now
Then I***8217;d rather die

You***8217;ll never understand
I love her more than life
And if this how life has to be
I***8217;ll gladly chose the knife

I can***8217;t live without her
And your making me rather not
This is too much for me to bear
You***8217;ve already taken all I***8217;ve got

I don***8217;t expect you to understand
Or feel remorse for what you find
My body may remain here but I***8217;ve
Moved on to a peace of mind

It***8217;s no one***8217;s fault that I can***8217;t fix me
Trust me I***8217;ve tried***8230;
But I was so tired of these mistakes
Of these tears I***8217;ve cried

This is my letter
And it***8217;s straight from the heart
Thank yourself now
For picking me apart

The Sum

If i could speak with a feeling
what would i say?
Would i speak with a gun or knife?
Anything today
Would it understand the words?
Please don't dismay

Its spoken to me, now the time has come
every mans choice is a product or a sum
If words could hurt, I would have killed you then

Now its taken its toll
landscape's forever changing
screams now a whisper
seeing is just a blur

Today i speak with the gun
the bullet says it all:
You've never looked so good
and I've never felt so right

I am the sum

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Imagine all the people sharing all the world

Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

He did it all

You're such an inspiration

For ways that i will never ever choose to be

Oh, so many ways for me to show you

How your savior has abandoned you

Fuck your god, your lord, your christ

He did this

Took all you had and left you this way

Still you pray

Never stray

Never taste of the fruit

Never thought to question why



It's not like you killed someone

It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side

Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed

He did it all for you



Oh so many ways for me to show you

How your dogma has abandoned you

Pray to your christ, to your god

Never taste of the fruit

Never stray

Never break

Never choke on a lie

Even though he's the one who did this to you

Thought to question why



It's not like you killed someone

It's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side

Talk to jesus christ as if he knows the reasons why

He did this all to you

He did it all for you


The Undertaker

Thank you for
Making me
Feel like
I am guilty
Making it
Easy to murder your sweet memory

You were way out of line
Went and turned it all around on me again
How can I not smell your lie
Through the smoke and arrogance
But now I know that
So you will not get away with it again
I'm listening, those hollow lies
For I have reached my ends
So...

Before I go, tell me
Did you ever contain yourself to be
Either way I must say goodbye
You're dead to me

So I,

I'm severing the whole line
I'm leaving your corpse behind
Nothing but soon to be though
I won't be the, the one who kills you
I'll just leave that up to you

Cause,
I'm not going to be there right behind you
I'm gonna be the one to say...
I told you so
I told you -

Severing the whole line
I'm leaving your corpse behind
Nothing but soon to be and
I'm gonna be the one to say I told you so

The Last Time

Was it to be the last time?
It had been several years
Since the very first occasion
Had brought me close to tears.

You may well wonder what I mean
For I myself don't know.
But it's inside the thought will count
And nothing's left to show.

These four years were very long
But eventually elapsed.
An hour of time to less than minutes
Sometimes was collapsed.

Lie there now, and ask me if
It was the last such time.
And there is, sadly, no way left
You can call what I did a crime.

Was it to be the last time?
I certainly hope so.
But until we see it wasn't,
We'll never surely know.

A Warning

Do as I do, and I'll be like you.
Like what I like, and I'll despise you.
Be what you are, and I will help you.
Love who I love, and I'd murder you.

I Wonder Why

Another dream
Another try.
Another person passed me by.

A further dream
A further try.
A further person passed me by.
I wonder why.

You don't even know

I love you now - what does that leave to say?
Not a great deal. I'll say it anyway.
Since I met you, how I've been changed by you.
But I'm too shy to say a word to you.
My unequalled, one way, unrequited love
That you don't even know about, my love.

I'm in despair, not knowing what to say.
I guess this feeling hits us all some day.
If I knew you, that's all I'd need to do.
And when I get to know you, I'll love you.
Are so many wonders possible through love
When you don't even know how much you're loved.

You

When I hear your voice I hear the choirs.
When I see your face I burn with fires.
When walking with you, my love never tires.
My joy when with you lifts me high as the spires.

You are the best one whom I've ever known.
In me by you the seeds of love are sown.
When you speak I think what I have never known
And when I'm with you, I am never alone.

Someone I can trust

For I'm alone - completely on my own
And really search I must,
To find somebody I can trust:
A person I can trust completely
And talk to really so discreetly
Of all the things that get me down-
That make me smile or make me frown:
I've searched a long time, and no-one's there.
I've not yet looked quite everywhere
For where this person is I do not know
But soon I'll see where to I'll go,
And then my problems won't be over.

Why Me?

Why can't I be like other people and have somebody to call my own?
Or is it that friendship and love can be born but never shown?
Is there a girl who I could love, who I could now call mine?
Better than yours, a girl I know who will all of you outshine?
Maybe I'm not blessed with a fortunate personality
Or my life is boring because it contains too much of my morality.
Should I think in any terms or just be quite sincere
To just one girl who I don't know yet who will be to me so dear?
Where do I go to find someone of stunning looks and stunning charm
Who loves me as much as I love her and can bring to me no harm?
I think of all those people about whom I've ever known.
By none of them was any interest in myself ever shown.
I do not know if it is true that people really do love me,
And anyway what of advantage would anyone ever in me see?
My depression has set in for Easter - you can see me getting worse.
The lines are getting longer here, more frantic and more terse.
I must find somebody who must find me and we must find each other soon
For there is less time left at the end of each day until the end of June.
I tell you now I just don't know to whom I ought to turn;
After all my failures in my past some success I'll surely earn.

The Size of Death

A coffin never seems as large
As the person it contains.
For the life and soul has truly gone
And only the corpse remains.
Where is it going? No-one can tell.
God blessed, to heaven : God cursed, to hell.
All we know is that all of our friends
And ourselves one day must meet our ends.
Life is the start and death will come.
No surer thing is ever known.
When the one you love has died, has died,
You must learn to live alone.

In My Mind

Somewhere in my dreams tonight
I'll see you standing there
You look at me with a smile
"Life isn't always fair"

You say you were chosen for his garden
His preciously hand picked bouquet
"God really needed me,
That's why I couldn't stay"

It's said to be that angels
Are sent from above
I've always had my angel
My brother - whose heart was filled with love

Wherever the ocean meets the sky
There will be memories of you and I
When I look up at that sky so blue
All I see are visions of you

"While there's a heart in me, you'll be a part of me."

The Beginning is the end is the Beginning

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Delivered from the blast
The last of a line of lasts
The pale princess of a palace cracked
And now the kingdom comes
Crashing down undone
And I am a master of a nothing place
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left
The echo bounces off me
The shadow lost beside me
There's no more need to pretend
Cause now I can begin again

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange
Strange

A Little Bit of Suicide

A little bit of suicide a day keeps the doctor away
A little bit of suicide a week keeps the nightmares at bay
A little bit of suicide a month keeps my friends worrying
A little bit of suicide a year keeps my heart still beating
A little bit of suicide every season keeps me filled with hate
A little bit of suicide every decade keeps society awake
A little bit of suicide every generation keeps the kids in graves
A little bit of suicide every turn of the century keeps the bright minds saved
A little bit of suicide every millennium makes the history books more interesting
A little bit of suicide every dawn of creation makes the world worth saving
A little bit of suicide every lifetime makes our lives so much more loved
There is something inside of us all
Its not anger, passion, hope, or just cause
Theres a little bit of suicide in us all

A little bit of suicide makes me who I am today...

Graveyard Suicide

I walked through the local cemetery last night
It was so quiet, everyone was at peace
I felt so welcome, so at home
there among the deceased

I begun thinking, why do I continue on
why do I inhale even one more breath
when all I dream of is the eternal slumber
that can only be brought about by death

Grief and pain are the only inhabitants
of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space
Was it time for the end?
This was the choice which I faced

After all, everyday is merely a continuation
of the one which preceded it
There have ben times when I felt slightly hopeful
but there was never any hope when I most needed it

And there is little I wish to recall
the years are wrought with sadness
I've lost my mind, a million times
but I always find it again within madness

As my heart has drifted along
I knew it could not stay afloat
with each day that passed
I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat

So there, amongst the dead
I came to the conclusion
That it was time to bring
an end to my life's illusions

The blood flowed like a river
as I took a razor to my wrist
I would have made preparations, said good-byes
but, I doubt I'll be missed

It became so cold
as everything went black
for the first time, I felt peace
because I knew there was no going back

No hope. No dreams. No anything.
I had no further reason to try
I no longer wished to live
I do not regret the decision I made to die

Suicide Letter


I rush to the bathroom and lock the door,
I can't stand the pain; I can't stand it anymore.

I go to the cabinet for that lethal pill,
Knowing that this one will help or kill.

My parents received the letter of suicide,
They're wondering if their son is now dead or alive.

They pounded and pounded and said, Open the door.
I said, No, you do not have your son anymore.

They said, Why, son, are you doing this?
I said, I love you and blew them a kiss.

I took the pill, then my life started to dim,
My chance for survival was really slim.

The door flung open with tremendous power,
This was such a terrible hour.

Why did I have to end my life?
Why did I cause them strain and strife?

Something was wrong inside my head,
Sorry, Mom and Dad, your son is now dead.

I left you behind

From this coffin that i lie,
you can still see it in my eyes,
The emptiness left inside,
that consumed me as i died.

The image you can't erase,
the look upon you'r face,
As i struggled on the rope,
clawing at my throat.

Blood pouring from my eyes,
you're the image that i despise,
Don't touch me let me hang,
there's nothing left to change.

The darkness is closing in,
finally i meet the end,
Death and i go hand in hand,
you see now we're the best of friends.

I tried to tell you make you see,
all the pain and hell you caused in me,
I'm a toy left on the shelf,
you brought this upon yourself.

Don't try to shift the blame,
they all saw on my wrists the carvings of your name,
I have given death all i've got,
just remember this is all your fault.

No more tears i have to cry,
because this time...i left you behind.

[Zach]

mad good shit homie +reps

im still readin so more reps to come

[Infinite]

lol
and people wonder why im mildly psychotic

[I RON DON KEY]

I have speech class.

will you write me something that i have to memorize, read to the class, and do some acting?

[Photonic]

UPDATE PAGE 5.. again 1/13/09
ok so call me emo but i do write poetry. mostly when i have had some rough days or hard times.
most of the following stem from the ending of a 3 year relationship with a girl i truly loved with all of my heart

also i just write about whatever is on my mind so some of this may seem depressing or rambling but its just me bein me

feel free to comment call me a freak, whatever. im always open to advice

Cold Blackness...Spiraling downward
An abyss of pain and torment
Came forth from my wrist, a torrent of crimson agony.
Apathy...Emotions fade, Light to black.
Darkness consumes.


I don't even think that qualifies as anything.

[Infinite]

I have speech class.

will you write me something that i have to memorize, read to the class, and do some acting?
what d o you need?


Cold Blackness...Spiraling downward
An abyss of pain and torment
Came forth from my wrist, a torrent of crimson agony.
Apathy...Emotions fade, Light to black.
Darkness consumes.


I don't even think that qualifies as anything.
that counts

[Nick Jeezy]

lol.. will your weird.

[Memme]

PAIN

Pain.

Not simply the sharp pain of an estranging glare, nor the dull, throbbing pain of observing a life unlived, though these both are mine.

The pain of being invisible, the feral, desperate pain that goes wailing into the night to be snatched up by a cold wind and thrown back, unanswered. The hopeless, sobbing pain of standing alone under a damp indifferent sky throbbing with lifeless stars.

No matter if I were to live; it would be but a mockery of life, for always in the back of my mind is the knowledge that even should I live a century, I will still die alone.

The world is but a churning machine, cycling through souls like so many abstract numbers. I do well to leave it.


I write too... Only one comment here... You used the word "Throbbing" twice... I'd change it the second time to a different word. Or the first time... but the first time I think it was the right word... the second time, you need another word.


I LIED
If I said I tried,
You could say I lied.
Now I've sat and I've cried,
There's no place to hide,
Fess up to the truth, it's high time I died.

It was your fault.
It really, really was.
Long live the revolution.
Hail those who cared.
I don't love you all.
I'm not going to miss you.

Rhymes... I don't do rhymes anymore.

The first part is a poem... the second part is just prose.

Also... don't punctuate. Why bother. Let the reader determine based on choice of words what the flow is.

Jesus christ man...

I can't read all that...

Break-up poetry... got anything else? There's only so much you can do with break-up poetry...

I wrote that when it was relevant, and then moved onto other things and developed away from that...

Like the fucked up psyche. Mentally handicapped... not in the retarded way... more the defective...

Bukowski... there's my hero.

When I used to have time, and a life worth writing about... before becoming mundane, and wewt... whatever... I wrote absurdity about absurdity.

[~The_Duke~]

lol.. will your weird.

Understatement of the year...

[Infinite]

yea
i wrote most of those in 5 minutes a piece or less
they are all old
like 3-4 years old
i just put them up at different times
the rest are just
well
depressing, at least thats what most people say
everytime i post one i get 4-5 messages at minimum from people saying "dont kill yourself"

it makes me laugh


and zach, stfu :tongue:

[Wes]

Cheer up Emo kid.
It's all gonna be ok

This might cheer you up Will.

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[Memme]

yea
i wrote most of those in 5 minutes a piece or less
they are all old
like 3-4 years old
i just put them up at different times
the rest are just
well
depressing, at least thats what most people say
everytime i post one i get 4-5 messages at minimum from people saying "dont kill yourself"

it makes me laugh


and zach, stfu :tongue:


Don't kill yourself Will.

Unless in your Will, it specifies that I get cars. :goodjob:

[Roaring Blood]

Wow wes.

[Iam99x'sWIFEY]

I wrote all of these in 2004...I was 14...lol.
I don't really write poetry any more

I've Moved On
I was blind
Couldn't see through the lies
My heart was declined
After so many tries

But now my heart has healed
My sight is renewed
The truth is revealed
And it's all thanks to you

No Mercy
The engine roars with the turn of a key,
The man in the driver seat stares back at me.
The light turns green and he speeds away,
Little do I know how much he will pay.
"Everything will be fine," I was assured,
But when he crashes everything is blurred.
I begin to cry, I can't find my breath,
His body shows there's no mercy in death.

Passion
The beautiful boat sits at the dock, He
looks sad sitting on the rock.
He patiently waits for high tide, the right
time, He finds sailing so sublime. On the
sea with the waves in motion, He can be
free, the sea is his potion. He drinks it by
day, he drinks it by night. The page turns
with the flip of a finger, In the library
she will linger. She quietly reads until the
end, She feels as if she has a friend. In
the chair, each word a precious as a jewel,
She can fantasize, books are her fuel. She
drinks it by day, she drinks it by night.
The wind pierces her face, In the field she
keeps up the pace. She sits up high on the
horse, Riding is her recourse. In the
saddle, each ride a dream, She can invent,
riding is her coffee with cream. She drinks
it by day, she drinks it by night.

She Meant More
I gave it my all
I gave it my best
You throw me out
You throw me away
For so long you were mine
For so long you were everything
The pain will not leave
The pain will not ease
Future plans are gone
Future plans are destroyed
She meant more in one night
She meant more in one blink
You didn't remember me
You didn't remember us
Our time is over
Our time is finished
I'll learn to keep living
I'll learn to keep moving
You weren't who I thought
You weren't who I imagined

No More
You cause me pain with no regret,
So now I'm choosing to forget.

All the memories of suffering and sorrow,
And now I know I'll have a better tomorrow.

No more deceit, no more lies,
No more wishing I could die.

No more promises or swears broken,
No more believing the words you've spoken.

No more fear, no more dread,
No more tears of anguish shed.

You've lost my trust and my heart,
My love for you has fallen apart.

[PLAY]

oh shit.

i remember this thread.

[Infinite]

got a problem with it?
lol

[PLAY]

you're gay.

look at how much dumber i've become from being on this site.

my posts were filled with wisdom, and now, well frankly, im disappointed in myself.